Assalamualaikum and good day to all,
I assume people who read this inactive blog of mine are probably those who do not know me that much or do not even know me at all since I have changed the website address for some stupid reasons.
A lot has happened in my life and today I got this hunch I am hoping a good one, to have an entry posted in my blog, and for whatever reason, He The Almighty has brought me to read my previous entry which reminds me of how (probably) innocent I was, and how my life before was full of purpose, and how I was very convinced that everything is preordained and happen as it should. For a moment, I realised my purpose of life has probably changed for the past one or two years, and I pray that Allah will never leave me alone without anything to hold on to.
I also realise that probably blogging is the best way to let go all of my sadness so I can move on, and writing up is probably my way of coping up with things and make me a better person. Despite the depressive one year I have gone through (which I will probably tell later to let go all of these unnecessary and wasteful thought); despite the consistent crying in the morning and before going to bed which has been reducing although the eyes have never been deprived of tears; despite the persistent denial and strong hope that things would go back to normal after all the sufferings - I am very lucky, I honestly think I have a very good insight of what is going on, only that I am still in denial and am consciously trying to live my own life NOT being me. Everything has changed. And today, I want to go back to be me that I miss.
Why suffer for such stupid reason when you know He is always by your side, all these while, all the time???
I have wasted one year in which that last one month within it was fulfilled with this incredible feeling full of hope and love. Then I wasted another one year crying over it, denying, being such a stupid person who rejected every new opportunities and every what is supposed to be enjoyable moment with my family because of one guy I should have not trusted in the first place.
I am moving on. Today. No more procrastination and pampering myself with unrealistic hope and wish. I still have a purpose of life, of course. And hope is always there because He has never left me alone. Wish me the best!