Sunday, November 17, 2013


Assalamualaikum and good day to all,

I assume people who read this inactive blog of mine are probably those who do not know me that much or do not even know me at all since I have changed the website address for some stupid reasons. 

A lot has happened in my life and today I got this hunch I am hoping a good one, to have an entry posted in my blog, and for whatever reason, He The Almighty has brought me to read my previous entry  which reminds me of how (probably) innocent I was, and how my life before was full of purpose, and how I was very convinced that everything is preordained and happen as it should. For a moment, I realised my purpose of life has probably changed for the past one or two years, and I pray that Allah will never leave me alone without anything to hold on to.

I also realise that probably blogging is the best way to let go all of my sadness so I can move on, and writing up is probably my way of coping up with things and make me a better person. Despite the depressive one year I have gone through (which I will probably tell later to let go all of these unnecessary and wasteful thought); despite the consistent crying in the morning and before going to bed which has been reducing although the eyes have never been deprived of tears; despite the persistent denial and strong hope that things would go back to normal after all the sufferings - I am very lucky, I honestly think I have a very good insight of what is going on, only that I am still in denial and am consciously trying to live my own life NOT being me. Everything has changed. And today, I want to go back to be me that I miss. 

Why suffer for such stupid reason when you know He is always by your side, all these while, all the time??? 

I have wasted one year in which that last one month within it was fulfilled with this incredible feeling full of hope and love. Then  I wasted another one year crying over it, denying, being such a stupid person who rejected every new opportunities and every what is supposed to be enjoyable moment with my family because of one guy I should have not trusted in the first place.

I am moving on. Today. No more procrastination and pampering myself with unrealistic hope and wish. I still have a purpose of life, of course. And hope is always there because He has never left me alone. Wish me the best!

Monday, June 03, 2013


This is one motivational video I need to replay many times to keep me going. Replaying because the motivation just doesnt last very long, how weak I am.

It is already June 2013. Things have gone wild and unexpected. Remembering how life was planned ahead last year, today witnesses how very broken my heart still is. Despite knowing and having all the very good insight about how this is only His test, I still chose to dwell my past. I am fully aware that it is not something I should do, but when it comes to feelings, you just feel helpless and hopeless. Whoever is reading this, please pray for my strength, because a sincere untold prayer plays a role... I really need the strength and I do not seriously want to succumb to all this sadness, it is killing me, and I am no more myself!!! Verily, we can plan, but He is the Greatest Planner of all, may all go back to normal, in fact better than before.

*I hope the next time I read this post again, I will have already realised how stupid I am now for dwelling on what I shouldn't have.

Saturday, March 09, 2013


So when he lets you go, he's just not that into you. The only explanation you have to repeat everyday. It's hard, but the most hurtful part is the betrayal, thereafter trying to trust people again. And you need to avoid killing yourself, stat or in silence.

Yes, yesterday is history. Memories, please go away.

Thursday, February 07, 2013


Things do not happen the way we wish they would
You get upset
Your heart is broken
And truly
It is very hard to mend

You try to find the strength to move on
Days, weeks, months
Hopefully to get over it before years pass by
You wonder if it will ever heal
The broken heart

And a saying quotes
If you want Him to mend your broken heart
You have to give every pieces to Him
A trust, what you have to give Him
Convinced that He knows everything
And there is a greater plan for you, soon
The faith is what it's called

Have faith
Have faith
Have faith

Everyday you try to convince yourself
To put all the trust in Him
Sometimes it feels bad
When it feels so hard to believe
Even when you repeatedly saying it
Consciously or not
Can your broken heart be as numb
As it is not the way it used to be
And certainly not something you want it to change into

Ya Allah
Show us the way
Lead us to the right path
Let us have faith in You

Because sometimes
We have to stop worrying
Stop wondering and stop doubting
Have faith that things will work out
Maybe not how we planned
But just how it's meant to be