Tuesday, December 11, 2007


I know this seems a bit weird after a long pause from blogging =) (which was 4 months ago?)

I used to always put my exams timetable here and has always asked for some prayers from the readers. And that is all my purpose for today. Nobody knows that I might have passed my previous exams due to the prayer made by any of you when you come across this page.

Always heard this: "Doa seorang sahabat yang tak diketahui dimakbulkan Allah" - insyaAllah.

So here goes me exam timetable, roughly (since have not checked the details yet):

Wednesday, 12 Dec 07, p.m. - Paper I
Thursday, 13 Dec 07 , p.m. - Paper II

And this is going to be the last paper exams before the finals!

And welcome to the last month of the Islamic calendar =)

Saturday, September 08, 2007


Right. Two months from last update now. Summer holiday was short but absolutely great. I spent 9 days in Egypt, 2 days in Dubai (with my brother) and 3 weeks in Malaysia (finally being able to meet Damia - she is so cute!!!!). As for another 3-5 days to make up a few more space in my holidays, I suppose I spent those hours in the flights.

I knew I won't be writing up my journey to Egypt and Dubai. Too lazy to narrate my experience and reflection. If I do, I am sure it is going to be pretty long. However when I read an email about one's experience while in Egypt, I bet these stuff said in that email would have been almost similar to a few things that I thought I was going to write up. Here's the email:

Salamun'alaik. .

Salam serta selawat ke atas Rasulullah Sallallahu 'Alaihi Wasallam, ahli keluarga baginda serta salam kepada para sahabat yang berjuang menegakkan Islam di muka bumi ini.

Kalau sesapa pernah duduk di Mesir, terutama di Kaherah, tentu tahu kerenah pemanduan para pengguna jalanraya di sana. Cara parkingnya yangmana sesapa yang beli keta mahal sekalipun tak boleh eksyen sebab gerenti kemek dlm minggu pertama..

Pun begitu.. satu pengalaman yang tak dapat dilupakan juga ke Mesir, intai si Firaun yg derhaka tu, masuk piramid, tapi yang best ke Iskandariah. .

Kalau yg pernah jumpa bebudak jual roti di Kaherah lagi best..

Roti tu dia susun sampai 12 tingkat atas kepala dia.. dan.. aksi yang paling best dia buat ialah..

Sambil kayuh basikal di tengah-tengah bandar yang sibuklah sesangatnya. .

Skil dia balance roti atas kepala sambil kayuh basikal dan dengan selamba langgar lampu isyarat..

Well, except that I did not go to Alexandria (Iskandariah) nor did I enter the pyramid (just visited th em in Giza and ride a camel). My brother and I did plan to go there, but for whatever reason, it has to be canceled. Owh and I think I could hardly find a traffic light there too. And there were horses/donkeys on the road too, alongside with the cars. How amazing!

One good thing to learn was to appreciate, accept and adapt the big differences between the countries that I have been to and people I have met there. But sad to say, how I wish an Islamic country could be very clean as that is how it is supposed to be, cleanliness is part of the iman (faith).

Sunday, July 15, 2007


I just need to pass my exams. And one of the reasons is her. My niece who I have never been able to see and hug, and whom I have bought loads of toys for - which are going to be the only things to bring back home in my luggage.

OSCE was so hard, hopefully I am over it now. But still finding it hard to motivate myself to study for my paper exams. And I suppose that is one of the reasons I am in front of the computer, typing all these out when I should be reading infectious disease handouts, or answering MCQ questions.

Please give me strength Ya Allah.

Friday, July 13, 2007


YM status: Clumsy Iffa!

nikmadihah: iffa tak clumsy. she is as graceful as a swan.
iffa: yes i am
iffa: i just spilled a cup of coffee on the table and some books and notes just went brown!!!!!!!!
nikmadihah: add flavour and spice to life
iffa: how was exam
nikmadihah: now u wont sleep while reading notes hehe
nikmadihah: ok tapi cuak for tomorrow.
iffa: or the noteswont sleep while reading me
nikmadihah: hahahahahahaha. lawakla tu. taknak chatting ngan iffa yg buzy. cu soon
iffa: all the bestok
iffa: kene study pon
nikmadihah: ok beb. u too
iffa: doakan kame
iffa: kami
nikmadihah: ok insyAllah
nikmadihah: wslm

Please pray that me in exams is totally the opposite (it's practical exams tomorrow, and clumsiness won't help at all!)

Monday, July 02, 2007


Yes, it is almost towards the end of the third year. Hopefully it will really be the end of third year, going into the fourth year a.k.a. the 'holiday' year for medics in Newcastle.

Stressing out for the exams is basically the background thought of my mind right now, although I have to say I have not put much effort yet so far, despite the library being more like a home now. Well I do try the best I could afford now, there are just too many things I need to study that I do not know where to start, and how to be organised with it. Anyway, please pray for us, the third years...

03 July 07 CIDR assessment

05 July 07 GP assessment

13 July 07 OSCE

19 July 07 Paper 1

20 July 07 Paper 2

All the best to those who are having exams or writing up reports too! Or for those with problems in life that need sorting out, may Allah guide us all in the right path.

Sunday, May 27, 2007


I had never realised a career that I have chosen would involve mainly decision making, until a few months ago. I always find making decision a hard thing to do. Not that I think about consequences all the time before I react to something, but most of the time, I do. And I never like to be one who decides. It probably just emphasises on how coward I am, afraid to take the responsibility to whatever decision I make.

Decision making is more like an adut thingy. Considering myself as still a child (haha sangke), I do not mind to not much being involved in the process itself. Even so, I do make decisions everday, do I? I decide when to set the alarm on the phone, yet next morning, I decide when actually do I want to wake up. I decide whether I want to have simple breakfast or a heavy one or none at all. I decide where am I going to sit in the metro going to the hospital. I decide whether or not to complete the sudoku on the way, or should I read something for the seminar. I decide where am I going to sit in the seminar. I decide whether I should spend money on the lovely scone in the cafe for 10 minutes break. Well, that is to name few of it. But most of these are decisions done unconsciously. I suppose when it comes to emotion and rationale, it is very very different. (come on, grow up Ifaa!)

But, it is not a bad thing at all is it? When you find something is hard enough for you, that you would need someone to help and support you, that is what makes you closer to Allah. Because He will always be there for us. And remember that Allah knows best.

(although still, I do not understand how can one be so sure about decisions s/he is making? if I do not believe that everything happens for a reason coz Allah knows best, then I do not know where would I have been now)

Thank you Allah for this beauty of surrendering myself to You.

Saturday, April 21, 2007


There were times when I felt like I totally knew what I am doing, but at some other times, I just had no clue of why I do things. Here, I am writing particularly about medicine. About choosing medicine and a career as a healthcare professional in the future. Not bluffing - most of the time, I really want to become a doctor, and I can see me becoming one in the future. Chatting kindly with patients and not forgetting to smile as a means of treating them psychologically before medically. But on the other hand, it did sometimes feel so strange as if medicine is not the right pathway for me at all - honestly, there were a number of times when I felt like quitting medicine.

As for now, I am very glad to share that today is one of the days when I like being here, doing what I am doing. I truthfully enjoyed the case presentation session this afternoon. Amazing how your teachers and colleagues could actually change your perception and thought over something. Cheers guys (haha,like u guys are ever gonna read this?). Each day just went so fast, and today I have already finished my first week - out of four - of mental health (psychiatry) rotation.

Then, I will start my final rotation - that being CIDR (chronic illness disease rotation) for eight weeks, then bam! Big exam is coming up. Well, not as enormous as the judgement day, but your efforts still count for that, aye?

At this moment, I know I should have fully AWARE of the very limited time I have to spend on studying, and that last minute study is no more a smart way of passing a third year med student exam... but although the word exams has always been the mainstay of our daily conversation for this week, I have no clues of why am I still not paranoid with it. I suppose I study better under the pressure and I need to be a bit worry about it. Actually come to think of it, I do feel nervous, with a grandious jitteriness in fact. Especially when I was going through some random MCQ questions and found out that I cannot answer things I could have possibly been able to answer even in my first year. I remember when I was in infectious disease rotation, I turned totally blank when I was being asked "what do the B cells produce?". Seriously, where was I in the past two years?

Sometimes, everything is there in your head. You know you have the answers, but you just need more time to organise them. Or maybe you cannot put them together at all until someone tells you the answer, then you go "aahh, I knew it was that!". Worst, you know you have read or heard a medical term which appears in the answer lists before, but you just cannot recall what it is about. And even worst, you know that you are expected to know about something, but you just don't.

Ya Allah Ya Rabbal 'Alamin, I need strength for this.

Thursday, April 12, 2007


Adik almost cried when not all the housemates wanted to play her game. Children, they are so imaginative, and this one has always created "her game", having her own rules of playing it.

That night, she needed all six of us to join. So when she started crying in my room, finally everybody agreed to play. We all went outside into the living room and sat in a circle. Apparently, her game that night resembled "kotak beracun". Well, almost the same, except with no aim or ridiculous dares like I had always played it before. We just had to pass her 2-3 weeks old-very-cute-teddy-bear (which she got from a car boot sales) around the circle, and wait until the music stops. Whoever holds the teddy will have to go and play the music and stop it for the next round.

I love you Adik!!

For the first few rounds, we were so blank. There was no aim at all. If we get the teddy there would be no "punishment", I suppose going to press the cd player button is not a horrible thing to go through. Ok. So one of us adjusted the game to make it more interesting. Bits by bits, it ultimately ended up as 'truth or dare' game, if you have ever heard of it. But the rule was a bit distorted - one had to answer the question first, only if you choose not to answer, then you would be dared.

And going back earlier that day, Kak Rabitah bought a litre of goat's milk today, just to taste it, since it is one of sunnah left by Rasulullah s.a.w. Everybody tried it, except me. I was turned off by the scream Amira made when she gave it a taste. I did not even like lamb. How on earth would I like the milk if it tastes worse than lamb or sheep? Amazingly, adik is the hero. She likes it so much, that we still have it in our fridge now, coz adik wants more! She is the only one in this house who alhamdulillah, able to drink the milk.

I wish I could too. Do not say I did not try. That night, when I refused to share my "personal" secret, I was dared to drink a full cup of goat's milk, without pinching my nose. And trust me it was no easy task to do. It was not the taste, but the smell. Devastating. It is one of the sunnah, so I assume is good for the health too, but I just can't help myself. Luckily, it is not an obligatory one.

A few morals from the story. Firstly, the game was so bored when we first played it. No aim. Everybody was just looking at each other with a what-are-we-doing-passing-this-teddy-around look. And nobody minded to hold the teddy when the music stopped. But when the rules changed, with aim not to get the teddy coz if not you would have to tell the secret or get a dare, everybody was passing the teddy very quickly. Trying the best not to hold it when the music stopped. And screamed horribly when it happened. Same goes to our lives. If we do not have aim in this life, it is boring. There would be no purpose of life.

I once asked an SHO who is an atheist, "so what's your purpose of life?". He said "I'm afraid I will loose (to me, coz we were arguing loads before) about this one. To be honest, my purpose of life before I got married was bullshit. But now that I am married, it's my wife and my two kids."

Secondly, I was so reluctant to drink the milk before. But when I have to drink it due to the "rules", I managed to finish a full cup of it. A full cup mind you, not a sip. It is not fair for me or for other players to not do the dare as we already agreed to the rule.

A believer believes that Allah's rule is one to obey. It is not fair for Allah that we claim we are muslims but we never play by His rules. It is not fair that we agreed to be born into this world and live on the earth He created with all the ni'mat, yet we do not play our lives by His rules.

And just see how important are the governers who have the power, who can use their "hands" to rule something. A hadith says (approximately):

"If you come across a wrong deed, change it with your hand. And if you cannot change it with your hand, speak against it with your tounge. And if you cannot speak against it with your tounge, hate it in your heart."

When there are rules, people have to follow it, whether they like it or not. And first rules to obey are ones from our Creator. I needed to drink the goat's milk no matter I like it or not. Because it was the rule. Congratulations to me!

(should have niat minum sebab sunnah rasulullah...dapat jugak pahala huhuhu)

Wednesday, April 04, 2007


I have heard about the book "from Beirut to Jerusalem" vaguely before, but I was so ignorance to find it and give it a read. Good thing when I went to IMAM programme called Extreme Medicine last weekend, the writer herself, Dr Ang came up as one of the speakers, talking about the manmade disaster, the war. She talked about her experience, how she was brought up to support Israel and to hate the Arabs, the so called "terrorists". But her experience has changed it all.

Click here for the audio, pictures, and written experience. Trust me, you have to listen to this one!

One of the very touching picture, as described by Dr Ang:

---And suddenly a whole lot of children - Palestinian children from every where began to crowd around me, and the little girl said "Doctor can you take a picture of us?" I said "of course I will". "You must take a picture of us now because there is the Shatila camp - tomorrow maybe the camp will be destroyed and there will be no more Shatila, but al least today we are here and you can take a picture and show your friends all over the world this refugee camp and show them we are the children of Shatila". And as I began to focus the camera they decided to put their hands up and make a victory sign and said "and we are not afraid". This picture was taken in October 1982, since then I have been back to Lebanon many times, and each time I go back I carry a copy of these pictures hoping I can find them - of course I never found any of these children. But now looking back I realise they didn't ask me bring the pictures back to them - they said take the pictures and show it to the whole world, to show the whole world how the Palestinian children of Shatila camp were not afraid. So I am showing it to you now." ---(by Dr Ang)

Even up to now she is so active, trying to make sure that people will soon realise who are the terrorists, and who are the victims. May Allah grant her hidayah... and may we learn something from her spirit and enthusiasm.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007


I am now doing my obs and gynae rotation, and I am so called to reflect upon my session today and share the thought with all of you. I was timetabled to sit in a family planning clinic this afternoon. I thought it was gonna be a light unstressful session discussing and learning about the variety of contraceptive methods available at the moment. I thought I would not learn much except the same facts written in the text books. But my assumption was completely wrong. I think today is the day when I made lot of reflections. The day when I learned that there are so much things to worry about in this life. The day when I could have burst into tears if I did not control myself. The day when the future looks so foggy even though I am beginning to see the interesting and challenging bits of doing obs and gynae later on.

I assume it is alright to write in general about my experience today, without breaching any confidentiality. So I sat in the clinic and I met a few people there. And I never thought there would be so many cases of termination of pregnancy (TOP). Yes, English law allows TOP before 24 wks(?) but culturally before 17 weeks (?). (Well I might not be the right person to comment about this medics stuff – just in my third year – do not want to look that stupid or even worse, to give wrong information or anything.) But anyway, being here and being just a medical student, I have to respect the patients' right to choose their way of life. There are just too many ethical reasons to consider about. I am totally against it of course, only Allah knows what was in my mind at that time.

Back to the case. So I sat in the clinic and one of the patients that came in for TOP was only as young as 15 years old.She is so young and even afraid of having a venepuncture (amik darah) done on her arm. I presume she had no idea what to expect for committing a TOP. It is not her story that I wanted to comment here, coz I have no right to talk about her. But I suppose I have the right to comment about my relatives who have the same religion as mine ie. the muslims – and to be more precise, Malaysian muslims coz its more relevant to us. Coz I care about my society. I care about my religion. And these are important factors in directing my future life and the future of Islam and I care about these.

What stricken me the most was when I imagined her being my sister. When she said she was born in 1991, my first gut reaction was “that is so my sister’s age” – nauzubillah, may Allah prevent this disaster from anybody that I know of – well, at that moment I could not help thinking about the situation in Malaysia where the contraindicated values of the West is becoming a culture. Incorrect way of entertainment is the main component of life nowadays. Normal homo sapiens named as “artists” are being worshipped more than ever. Muslims going to night clubs are becoming more common. In fact I heard some comments saying that it is peculiar to not have gone there among some groups of Malaysian muslim youths and teenagers, mind you. Same goes to virginity. Some can be so proud to tell that they have actually lost their virginities. Surprise surprise, some can even be so ashamed to not have done it by certain age – which is so ridiculous. And if you want to hear something more ridiculous, some even "sell" themselves to achieve wealth in this impermanent, temporary life. And when unwanted pregnancy occurs, this would most of the time results in abortion or infanticide or child abuse which adds up to the sinful acts prior to this. I cannot imagine the battle I would be in to make sure my future children (kalau panjang umur) are safe from all these new culture which is totally against Islam.

I chatted with a friend who befriends a few of these “social” or “huha huha” people once. She claimed that most of them are influenced by peers. Family problems, lack of attention and religious education are mainly the basic reasons to why they tend to be easily influenced by friends. They have no parents to go to, so friends are the only options. That is why relationship within familymembers is an asset for taking down these social problems. I haven’t got any experience myself to mingle closely with these people, so I would not blame anyone. Blame. Human beings always tend to blame other people when bad, unwanted things happen to them.

Anyway. My point is that I would like to remind myself and all, that we all have a purpose in our life. We have our religion as our way of life. Please do not let other culture takes over ours. Never underestimate the effect of discussing religious issues and educating ourselves and the children even at early age coz to know more about our religion and practising it fully are the only things that will make sure that we are on the right path.

Hidup tanpa ilmu umpama orang yg mati.
Ilmu tanpa amal umpama orang yg tidur.
Amal tanpa keikhlasan adalah sia2.

[masa belajar ni je la kalau nak ada masa buat benda2 extra, dah keje nanti apelah nasib....]

~~~~just a piece of thought~~~~
~~~~~betulkan jika salah~~~~~

Monday, January 29, 2007


My usrahmates and I joined a programme called Da'wah Course today, organised by the Islamic society. It was focusing on communicating Islam to the non-muslims to facilitate and encourage us to do the obligatory sunnah of our beloved prophet Muhammad s.a.w (p.b.u.h.) - that is to do da'wah. Yes, it is a sunnah, but it is a duty of us, muslims. I used to always interpret sunnah as wearing a turban, keeping the beard (both for guys obviously), etc. But it is actually everything that was done, spoken, or undone by rasulullah s.a.w. And one might not realise that things like da'wah to non muslims and bringing back the true Islamic country into the world up to achieving the world orde (ustaziatul 'alam) are also the sunnah. The obligatory ones in fact.

It was only a one day - no, actually, a half day course indeed. 11am -5pm. Let me just share and reflect back a few valuable points that I have learned today.

The course had one practical session where the facilitators acted as a non muslims and the participants had to answer the questions asked by them. Some of the questions might just be "tell me about Islam". As simple as that. Of course we can talk about thousands and millions of thing, but what do we want to focus on first especially if we have only 3 minutes with him/her? There was a quote from a brother: "You are not doing da'wah if you are just discussing about why you don't eat pork, why you don't drink alcohol, why you dont go to pub. But talk about the tauhid." Let them know that Allah is one. The one god that we worshipp. Let them believe that Allah is their god too. That Allah is everyone's god. Easier said than done of course, but we never know if it is through us that Allah wants to grant the hidayah to a non muslim. Let me give you a few more questions or statement that we as a muslim might want to start thinking of.

1. What is Allah? Why is your god different from others?
2. Aren't all the religions the same?
3. Why do good people or muslims still suffer if god exist? I have a friend who is suffering from cancer, she is a good person, the best one I have ever met. Why does god allow her to suffer when she is a good person?
4. Where does evil come from? From god?
5. I am not an evil person. I do good things, and I help lots of people. Would I be condemned to hell simply because I am not a muslim? - Man, this is though!
6. How can you be so sure Islam is true?
7. How do know Muhammad is a prophet? Didn't all sorts of other people claim to be prophets?
8. Why are dressing like that (for women)? Do you not feel oppressed? How do you find a boyfriend then? Do you not have one? (I actually got this one)
9. Do you have to pray five times a day? That must be so hard for you!
10. You are not even allowed to drink when you ae fasting? Hey, that is not good for your health is it?
11. Do you need to be particular about what you are eating? What is these halal meats?
12. You are not allowed to drink alcohol even a small sip of it? But isn't it good for the heart if you take redwine occasionally? You won't get drunk.

Some of these were questions I got from my friends too or from a stranger I met in the metro, or in a shop. It is a good thing they ask us - it means they are interested to know. And we do not even have to go and approach them. In this case, the least thing that we could do is to tell them about Islam. To let them know about Islam. To help them find the truth. Any question. Any statement.

Anyway, we do not have much time to discuss the questions. The key thing to answering these questions is definitely KNOWLEDGE. Sometimes we know Islam is right, any query directed to us will go back to the fact that Allah is fair and that there must be good thing that comes out of bad things because Allah knows the best for us. Many of us might have lots of knowledge, but knowledge without practising it is nothing. Trust me, trying to answer these questions and explain it carefully, trying no to offend anyone is not an easy thing to do especially when you never think of these questions, because you are born muslims. But practise makes perfect, right?

True success of doing da'wah is that you obey Allah and you made the effort. Every time you do da'wah you will be rewarded. If they become muslims, alhamdulillah. If not, it is all in Allah's hand.

ادْعُ إِلِى سَبِيلِ رَبِّكَ بِالْحِكْمَةِ وَالْمَوْعِظَةِ الْحَسَنَةِ وَجَادِلْهُم بِالَّتِي هِيَ أَحْسَنُ إِنَّ رَبَّكَ هُوَ أَعْلَمُ بِمَن ضَلَّ عَن سَبِيلِهِ وَهُوَ أَعْلَمُ بِالْمُهْتَدِينَ

"Invite (all) to the Way of thy Lord with wisdom and beautiful preaching; and argue with them in ways that are best and most gracious: for thy Lord knoweth best, who have strayed from His Path, and who receive guidance."

INVITE. It does not say MAKE SURE everybody will gladly be accepting it. But let them know. Give them choice. There are many prophets of Allah who did the preaching for many years, and some of them ended up with very few followers, or even none. But the key thing is, the effort was there. Even rasulullah s.a.w., the habibullah (one who Allah loves) was being tortured and treated so badly when he introduced Islam to the community.

By the way, back to the title of this post. An unexpected, unplanned beautiful event occured in the mosque during the course. I can still hear the announcement very loudly at the back of my head.

"Brothers and sisters, we are about to witness something that doesn't happen every day. We are about to witness a new birth".

There was a Caucasian brother, who wanted to say the syahadah, and admit that Allah is the only god and that Muhammad is the messenger of god. And it was very touched when he said it, that he actually has hearing problems, and he has to read the lip to understand or to know what the other brother was saying. And he said it in front of all of us. And he has just became a new person, who is free from sin, like a newborn. And I wish I can start as fresh as him.

Not only that, a few minutes later a sister came to us, and told us that an 11 years old girl who followed her granny (who is also a revert) to the course, has also said the syahadah after she stated her interest to become a muslim. And only after that, she began to think about her mother's acceptance.

11 years old girl and a guy with hearing and speech problems. Two in a row. It is so amazing how Allah can open their heart to accept Islam. Even when the media is currently busy reviewing the July 7 tragedy and keeps relating it to muslims as terrorists. Even when the channel 4 had just commented and created misconceptions about Islam in Undercover Mosque.

11 years old girl. What did I do when I was 11? Playing galah panjang with boys, talking and obsessing about KRU and the musics, what else? If I was not a muslim at time, I doubt that I would have achieved that high level of thinking to make decisions about religion or even to care about my religion, and obviously not even try to find out the true religion. And a guy who has to read lip to communicate? Who uses sign language to talk to others? Very amazing. Seriously. There are so many of us, muslims or not, who are so perfect as a human being, having ears and eyes to see His "ayat", yet we keep them shut and do not use them wisely.

Some of us could not control ourselves from crying happily. Everyone was so touched. It was so beautiful. It was like a miracle. It is something that I never thought I would have witnessed.

Sunday, January 14, 2007



Tertanam naluri keibuan amat mendalam
Di jiwa insan yang mendambakan kebahagiaan
Oh... ibu

Di bahumu tergalas beban
Perjalananmu penuh rintangan
Kau titipkan kasih sayang
Sejujur pengorbanan
Tak ku nafikan

Di saat kita berjauhan
Rasa ingin ku berlari
Mendakapimu penuh girang
Bak si kecil kehilangan

Kau insan penyayang
Betapa ku merindu
Lembutnya belaian ibu
Membuatku terlena

Di wajah terlukis tenang
Debar di dada kau rahsiakan
Ku pastikan dikau aman
Dikurnia sejahtera
Tak ku lupakan

Di saat kita berjauhan
Rasa ingin ku berlari
Mendakapimu penuh girang
Bak si kecil kehilangan

Tiada aku tanpa ibu
Hanya (kau) satu didunia
Bertakhta dikau dijiwaku
Kau lah ibu yang tercinta

Kau insan pengasih
Betapa aku mengharap
Hadirnya restumu ibu
Membawaku ke syurga

Bersemi belaian kasih sayang nan berpanjangan
Darimu insan yang mendoakan kebahagiaan anak-anakmu
Oh... Ibu