DIFFICULT

It is always difficult to admit that we did something wrong, but I believe it is one best solution for our own motivation to be a better person. After all, Islam teaches us to be "husnudzon" (think positive about other people). You don't blame people, you find out what you can improve.

Anyway. It is even difficult when you have done something wrong and nobody ever let you know that. Then you end up thinking that you are always right.

It is difficult, as difficult as admitting that you do think that you like someone, even when people around you keep demanding that yes-i-do-like-that-person words of confession.

And of course the most difficult ones are to try to change yourself, your attitude, and your feelings, because it is just you - although this is not a really valid excuse - say if you are a muslim, you can't just go tell people I can't stop drinking alcohol because "it is just me".

And I have to disagree that you should do those changes just to make sure everybody likes you, because in real life, again, it is difficult to happen. You are a shy person, outspoken people do not get along with you. You then change and practise yourself to be very talkative, then it will be a challenge to sit with quiet people. Even Rasulullah s.a.w. who is the best human being, best one loved by Allah - still not everyone like him, even until now. As long as what you do is what would lift you up besides Him, nothing else should matter, should it? And this is exactly why we need to always remind ourselves about the purpose of life. Spending too much time thinking about what other people think about you would just waste your time, especially when you have too many other things to achieve in your life.

I don't know where am I going with this post, but I will end it up by telling you one stupid or maybe ?'good' thing that I did. Heheh I signed up for an ophthalmology prize award exams a few months ago - it is not compulsory of course and I am not looking forward to win anything, but I just thought I'd urged myself to do some readings - which of course will benefit me as the ultimate goal - so I signed up for it. But I haven't done the readings, and now I can't help thinking what have I done!!! aaaa....The test will be tomorrow,and trust me, I do not even know the anatomy of an eye.

Ok, thought Id write something up before starting my quick one day revision on ophthalmology. =P

p/s: It will be negatively marked!!!!!!!!!!!! hope i wont leave too many blank answers. DIFFICULT!

SCHISM

Bible version of Fitna?

"It is easy to take any parts of any Holy book that are out of content and make it sound like the most inhuman book ever written. This is what Geert Wilders did to gather more supporters to his hateful ideology. To create S.C.H.I.S.M."




A metaphoric reply to Fitna film?

JEDDAH, 10 April 2008 - A Saudi blogger has made a six-minute video entitled "Schism" by portraying texts from Christian sources out of context, similar to the way Dutch MP Geert Wilders made his recently-released anti-Qur'an film entitled "Fitna."

In his film, Raid Al-Saeed, 33, shows verses of the Bible that call for war and illustrated them with clips of extremist Christian groups that preach violence.

"I made it in less than 24 hours. In 'Schism,' I have used the same methodology that Wilders has used and that involves taking texts out of context," he told Arab News, adding that he made the film to prove that it is incorrect to judge Islam by watching "Fitna."

This is a point that he writes at the end of his short film. "It is easy to take part of any holy book out of context and make it sound like an inhumane book. This is what Geert Wilders did to gather supporters for his hateful ideology. To create 'Schism,'" he wrote.

Al-Saeed does not believe religious books call for violence and bloodshed. He said "Fitna" is "based on hate" and that Wilders has abused the "freedom of expression that he enjoys." He added that Wilders' movie reflects "his racism and hatred."

When Al-Saeed first posted his clip on YouTube on March 1, the video was removed within 12 hours with a message from the site that the clip violated its terms.

Al-Saeed wrote back to YouTube, asking why the movie was removed while "Fitna" remained available. He uploaded the film again and added a message for the site's administrators advising them to view Wilders' film before deleting the film.

His video has been viewed over 1,800 times and has been on YouTube since March 2. It is also available for viewing on Google.

Al-Saeed insists that his aim is not to spread hate but to tell the world that you cannot judge a religion or an ideology by taking things out of context.

DOING THINGS CHANGES THINGS

I first used to watch House MD in my second year, when in our study group, one of us mentioned it helped him to memorise the clinical presentation of a certain disease due to watching the TV series. But watching it at that time put me off really so I stopped watching it. All it did was giving me headache - House and his team do the differentials too quick, I could hardly pick it up.

Then after a year, I started watching it again, and it does make more sense now, although most of the time, I do feel left behind. And it still is giving me headache every time I watch it. I do not know why I am stuck with it, but I am now on season 3. (it's season 4 on telly now)

There are times I enjoy his arguments with his colleagues or with his patients. But some other times, I do not agree a lot with Dr House particularly when he talks about his belief upon the non-existence of God.

Just a quote from the episode I have just finished watching:

[situation: a patient was asking House to talk about anything]

House: If we talk about anything, nothing will change.

Patient: It might.

House: How?

Patient: Time. Time changes everything.

House: That's what people say. It's not true. Doing things changes things. Not doing things leaves things exactly where they were.

There is always something to learn, be it the medical aspect or not.

FITNA FILM

I know I am a bit lag behind with this entry. But I just need to write something about it. I am sure loads and loads of people have already stated their comments - just look at the comments following the short movie when you youtube it.

Of course, there are just too many people, each with unique characteristic and personality, each with different belief and way they act... so there are just too many comments with the use of variety of languages which sometimes are very offensive.

As there has been lots of articles regarding this, I would not like to comment much. I just hope that people out there who never knew about Islam before, please do not depend merely on the movie as your sole source to get to know what Islam is about. I have to agree that some people do take only part of the verses - which is just not right. The Holy Quran comes as a whole and the message should be taken as a whole. Taking just one verse at a time and translating it literally, without knowing the reason behind the revelation of the verse (asbabun nuzul) and without understanding it fully, or without justifying it with other related verses in the Quran - this is just not right. Some people just have the tendency to do so. Let alone those who want to destroy Islam or who are Islamophobic, even some muslims have the tendency to do so for whatever reason. And please do not blame Islam if there are some of its followers who did not practise the right Islam as a whole. And please please please talk to people who really know about Islam than to listen to those who don't.

Whatever the intention of the film Fitna is, I just hope that it is for the best. We, muslims, have a right to be angry because it is an obvious insult to the religion. But I am calling for all muslims to be angry in a right way. This short film might just be a provocation towards the muslims. When we get angry too much, and start acting beyond the way we are supposed to - it is as if they have won. They win the viewers belief that Islam is really about killing people. That Islam is not a religion of piece as it should be.

As I said, I just hope that this is for the best. Maybe it is a warning for us muslims, to check whether we have done our best to do dakwah. Maybe it is a blessing when people heard about this, they tend to find out more about Islam. Who knows?

Below are two of my favourite links that I always go to, and they both commented about the film Fitna.

1. Saifulislam: Fitnah filem Fitna!
2. UZAR: Isu filem Fitna: Wajar boikot atau tidak?

"The Holy Quran also says: And kill them wherever you find them, and drive them out of the place where they drove you out; for persecution is worse than killing"

"You forgot the first part of that verse brother. Fight in God's cause against those who fight you. But do not commit aggression. God does not love aggressions. There are many who are seeking god but instead end up following the devil"

"The greatest jihad is to fight the evil within yourself"

CROCODILE vs ALLIGATOR

Are they both the same?

Ok. I know this is pretty weird that I am going to post something regarding these two reptiles. It just occurred that while my friends and I played a game which I will name as "who am I" on the animal theme, Chikita needed to guess alligator - which was fairly tricky because you won't normally go anywhere near alligator, when you had wrongly guess crocodile... They both seem the same, so we all had arguments whether alligator and crocodile are just the same.

We played the game when we were spending four days of our easter break in Northern Ireland - to be more specific at Giant's Causeway. Apparently it is widely known as the 8th wonder of the world (I just knew this) for its basalt columns but I have to say it is worth going there for the breathtaking view, subhanallah.

The Giant's Causeway. More pictures from the trip - click here.

So what are the differences between alligator and crocodile?

1. They come from different families of crocodylians; alligators from alligatoridae, and "true" crocodiles from crocodylidae.

2. Alligators (?commonly) found in the southern US and eastern China while crocodiles are (?commonly) found in Mexico, south and central America, Africa, South East Asia, and Australia - so it is crocodile that I must have come across, at the zoo, most probably.

3. Habitat - They both inhabit the grassy swamps and slow moving rivers. Both of them have special salt glands to get rid of excess salt, but these work less well in alligators so they prefer freshwater habitats, whereas crocodiles tend to live in saltwater habitats.

3. Shape of the jaw — Alligators tend to have wide, U-shaped, rounded snouts, while crocodiles tend to have longer, more pointed, V-shaped snouts.

4. Placement of teeth - Upper jaw is wider than lower jaw in alligators so the teeth in lower jaw are almost completely covered up - unlike in crocodiles, in which the 4th teeth stick up over the upper lip.

*references and more info: 1, 2

One lesson I learned while playing the game. I suck at geography and other general knowledge! I admit that I do not read that much.

Also a lesson from the alligator-crocodile argument; how powerful Allah is to have created so many different range of creatures.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAMA!!!

Today is mama's birthday. I am sure things are changing a lot for her, particularly in the future. To name a couple; she is expecting her first grandson; and my sister has just finished her SPM so she is not going to be living at home during her term time anymore once she gets into college, so mama will be left with papa, it is all going back to where it started. All her children are walking towards having their own lives, believe it or not. Ouh, and one more thing, she is retiring soon.

Time flies really fast. Sooner or later the family cycle will go on and on with time and it is a vicious cycle that will last forever as long as human being agrees that one of the purpose of life is for the progeny. If they do not reproduce, they know they will eventually die, every living creature does.

I remember an informal discussion my CIDR group was having when I was in my third year, where they were talking about not wanting to get old and the preference to die in dignity. It seemed being old and becoming a burden to other people are the least things they would hope for, that they had preferred to die if they have the option to choose. Of course, who would like to be old, but I'd personally be afraid of dying more than anything else.

In surah al-Munafiquun, Allah warns us not to forget Him when we are busy with the wealth and our kids. And whoever does so, they will be grouped as the losers. And people will bargain to have their life extended before the death came so that they will have more chance to do good deeds. But again, He warns that our death shall not be postponed, not even for a single second and that He knows what we have all done.

"Tidak akan lepas kedua kaki anak Adam di akhirat di hadapan Allah, kecuali selepas ditanya lima perkara; tentang umurnya di mana ia habiskannya, tentang kepemudaan dan kepemudiannya di mana ia digunakan, dan tentang hartanya dari mana datangnya dan ke mana dibelanjakannya, dan apakah yang dilakukan dengan ilmunya."

[hadith riwayat Tarmizi]

I have to agree that it is scary how quick the time has flies, and that makes me being alive on this earth for 24 years in just after a couple of months time. If just few months back, I'd referred myself as Iffa while talking to even juniors, I've just realised I have been using the term "kak Iffa" or "akak" more often lately. Duh, you really are getting old Iffa!

Sitting in the clinics while I was doing dermatology, I had mostly the elderly coming into the clinics. Most of the time, they come as a couple who happened to be so sweet even at their old age. It seemed like they understand and care about each other so much.

I guess in the end, I do not really mind, in fact I do want to, growing old and have my own family who cares for me and who has the same understanding of what the purpose of live is; and spending the time left in my life wisely enough as a mu'min, not merely human being with nothing to make themselves special in His view.

"Sebaik-baik manusia diantaramu adalah yang paling banyak manfaatnya bagi orang lain"

(HR Bukhari)

Growing old is inevitable, but making the most of the time we have left is something that we are able to decide.

p/s: I was looking for a verse from the Quran, which differentiate those who stay at home and who go out to spread the good to other people but to no avail. Can somebody enlighten me which verse it is please?

R.I.P

There were days when I missed being a kid again - especially that being an adult seems too difficult at times. Too many thinking and decisions to make.

There were days when I missed being in Malaysia.

There were days when I missed my family - especially when I rang them, finding out they were all gathering at my bro's house; playing with that cute growing up Damia, me niece.

Today is the day I miss my late grandfather. I do not know why I suddenly feel his loss. Not that I was so close to him, but I guess with me being able to do some thinking now, much better than when I was too immature before when he was still alive - it is just sad thinking of me not to be able to have some chat with him anymore. Not to be able to ask him for advice. Not to be able to ask him stories I would want to know more now. Like the Memali incident - which I am sure he would have had a good one for me. Or like the history of Malaya before the independence (I can recall him telling me these before). Or the general history. Or anything else. Any general or personal stuff. And advice. Good advice from a grandpa. A pious grandpa.

I just miss him. We surely do share one common thing. That is one thing for sure, definitely.

And of course I miss my late grandmother too. As she was the best granny ever.

May Allah bless them. Ameen.

DON'T FORGET THE PRAYER

Thank Allah, I have finally submitted my poster this morning. I have actually completed both the abstract and poster last month. It was such a stressful task back then when I had only two days to finish every different types of report and presentation for my audit. Just relieved I had finished it earlier. Except I was having 'trouble' choosing the right colour for these past few days. Maroon vs green. Well it was not that it matters that much, but just because I have made the poster available in both colour, it was just getting me confused - then I needed to make a choice. And I ended up uploading the maroon one so far - still have time to change it.

Choosing. When we have to make a choice, we would normally choose what will benefit us the most. And what benefits us the most largely depends on how we perceive things. When one might perceive having huge expensive buildings is an important marker of development, another person might see the moral development being far more important than that. These perceptions, I suppose are influenced by religion, background, environment, experience etc.

Anyway, I have been reading the news and articles (from different sources, and again it is entirely up to us to choose which one is true and which one is not), I believe what I can call as campaigns for the national election which is only two days ahead. Yes, only two days ahead. And I was touched by an email sent to the Newcastle Balai mailinglist...

Dlm keadaan pilihanraya di M'sia yg semakin hampir dan bahang2 nya boleh dirasakan sehingga lah ke bumi UK yg sejuk ni :-) ... maka saya di sini suka utk mengingatkan rakan2 sekalian utk kita sama2 berdoa bhw pilihanraya di M'sia ni akan memberi kemenangan kpd pihak yg benar2 ikhlas dan inginkan kebaikan buat M'sia dan rakyat nya iA... Semoga kepimpinan itu diberikan oleh Allah swt kpd mereka yg benar2 berhak memilikinya, yang boleh memberikan kemakmuran, keadilan dan kebahagiaan yg berkekalan kpd rakyat M'sia dunia dan akhirat iA...

Kesedaran rakyat juga sangatlah penting di sini utk menentukan pemimpin mana yg selayaknya diberikan kekuasaan krn ianya sememangnya akan memberi implikasi yg besar kpd kehidupan seharian mereka, anak2 cucu dan seterusnya.. . Jadi kita rakyat M'sia yg berada di UK ni, yang mungkin susah utk terlibat dlm proses pengudian yg berlaku di M'sia masih juga boleh sama2 'menyumbang' dgn doa2 kita iA... Dlm hari-hari yg terakhir, menuju ke p/raya ni, sama2 lah kita doakan yg terbaik... a famous saying I once heard... "Do not underestimate the power of du'a..."

Aye, never underestimate the power of doa.

Read critically. Choose wisely. Pray for the best, insyaAllah.

Selamat mengundi. (pakat kelik ngundi bijok2 belako neh).

BLOGGER PEMBOHONG

Really?

Like I said, macam-macam lah sekarang ni dah dekat nak pilihanraya. Anyway, these videos are hilarious, man. Click here.

HOT 2008

I rang my mum few days back and one of the sentence she said was...

"lame Pah dok update blogspot tu"

Hehe, so that was a huge encouragement to update this after a while keeping myself busy (more or less pretending to) from updating this blog. And what comes in hand with the encouragement is the hot issue of national election 2008 in my beloved country.

That's right. Malaysia is to hold an early general election on the 8th of March, after our PM, Pak Lah dissolved the parliament just few days back, ending his term earlier, which was to expire in 2009. So that's more than a year ahead of the schedule. Whatever his plans are, only He and Allah know.

I am not that much into politics as compared to others, but I believe what happens in the country is for everyone of us to care about, and it is us who has the right to determine who to govern and on top of everything, opting for the right ruler and leader is a very important aspect in Islam itself. Government and citizen relationship comes in both ways. We vote for who we think would serve us right while government gets support from citizen to help running the country.

To be a leader is not to gain benefits and wealth from it, but to see it as a responsibility. Pemimpin itu selangkah kaki ke syurga dan selangkah ke neraka. That is why we wish both congratulation and sorry for someone when s/he is elected as a leader. Congratulation for being chosen by Allah to be a leader who will have the great opportunity to serve and make good change to gain His blessings. And sorry for all the burden that one has to go on with, in particular the burden of being questioned later on in the akhirat whether justice had been done or not.

With a very superficial knowledge and critical thought in politics that I have, I am not to comment much on this topic then... but to urge all of us to think wisely and critically before we vote.

1. The candidates
2. Macam-macam la bila pilihanraya ni. Isu orang utan
3. Never really seek for non Malays opinion about election before, but had brief discussions with few people I know here, and have been reading few websites. Check this one out: Jed Yoong, an individual journalist
4. Expert leadership needed. “Yes, religion is important, but there is no point talking about religion when you cannot develop the people and the state". Hmm? Totally agree that the "E.X.P.E.R.T.S." should lead.
5. Recognisation of shariah law by the Archbishop of Canterbury (although its not fully agreed but there's take home message from the video) - hmm... one question I do sometimes wonder: Why are muslims so scared to debate and question shariah law? He's right he's not a muslim to answer that, so ask yourself o muslims.

“Sesungguhnya Allah menyuruh kamu memberikan amanah kepada yang berhak menerimanya dan apabila kamu berhukum di kalangan manusia maka hendaklah kamu berhukum dengan adil. Sesungguhnya Allah memberikan pengajaran yang sebaik-baiknya kepadamu.”

(Surah an-Nisa’ ayat 58)

(wish I could vote, but for whatever reason, I had some issues with the registration) =(

EXAM MODE

I know this seems a bit weird after a long pause from blogging =) (which was 4 months ago?)

I used to always put my exams timetable here and has always asked for some prayers from the readers. And that is all my purpose for today. Nobody knows that I might have passed my previous exams due to the prayer made by any of you when you come across this page.

Always heard this: "Doa seorang sahabat yang tak diketahui dimakbulkan Allah" - insyaAllah.

So here goes me exam timetable, roughly (since have not checked the details yet):

Wednesday, 12 Dec 07, p.m. - Paper I
Thursday, 13 Dec 07 , p.m. - Paper II

And this is going to be the last paper exams before the finals!

And welcome to the last month of the Islamic calendar =)

SUMMER 2007

Right. Two months from last update now. Summer holiday was short but absolutely great. I spent 9 days in Egypt, 2 days in Dubai (with my brother) and 3 weeks in Malaysia (finally being able to meet Damia - she is so cute!!!!). As for another 3-5 days to make up a few more space in my holidays, I suppose I spent those hours in the flights.

I knew I won't be writing up my journey to Egypt and Dubai. Too lazy to narrate my experience and reflection. If I do, I am sure it is going to be pretty long. However when I read an email about one's experience while in Egypt, I bet these stuff said in that email would have been almost similar to a few things that I thought I was going to write up. Here's the email:

Salamun'alaik. .

Salam serta selawat ke atas Rasulullah Sallallahu 'Alaihi Wasallam, ahli keluarga baginda serta salam kepada para sahabat yang berjuang menegakkan Islam di muka bumi ini.

Kalau sesapa pernah duduk di Mesir, terutama di Kaherah, tentu tahu kerenah pemanduan para pengguna jalanraya di sana. Cara parkingnya yangmana sesapa yang beli keta mahal sekalipun tak boleh eksyen sebab gerenti kemek dlm minggu pertama..

Pun begitu.. satu pengalaman yang tak dapat dilupakan juga ke Mesir, intai si Firaun yg derhaka tu, masuk piramid, tapi yang best ke Iskandariah. .

Kalau yg pernah jumpa bebudak jual roti di Kaherah lagi best..

Roti tu dia susun sampai 12 tingkat atas kepala dia.. dan.. aksi yang paling best dia buat ialah..

Sambil kayuh basikal di tengah-tengah bandar yang sibuklah sesangatnya. .

Skil dia balance roti atas kepala sambil kayuh basikal dan dengan selamba langgar lampu isyarat..

Well, except that I did not go to Alexandria (Iskandariah) nor did I enter the pyramid (just visited th em in Giza and ride a camel). My brother and I did plan to go there, but for whatever reason, it has to be canceled. Owh and I think I could hardly find a traffic light there too. And there were horses/donkeys on the road too, alongside with the cars. How amazing!

One good thing to learn was to appreciate, accept and adapt the big differences between the countries that I have been to and people I have met there. But sad to say, how I wish an Islamic country could be very clean as that is how it is supposed to be, cleanliness is part of the iman (faith).

ONE OF THE REASONS

I just need to pass my exams. And one of the reasons is her. My niece who I have never been able to see and hug, and whom I have bought loads of toys for - which are going to be the only things to bring back home in my luggage.


OSCE was so hard, hopefully I am over it now. But still finding it hard to motivate myself to study for my paper exams. And I suppose that is one of the reasons I am in front of the computer, typing all these out when I should be reading infectious disease handouts, or answering MCQ questions.

Please give me strength Ya Allah.

PRAY FOR ME

YM status: Clumsy Iffa!

nikmadihah: iffa tak clumsy. she is as graceful as a swan.
iffa: yes i am
iffa: i just spilled a cup of coffee on the table and some books and notes just went brown!!!!!!!!
nikmadihah: add flavour and spice to life
iffa:
iffa: how was exam
nikmadihah: now u wont sleep while reading notes hehe
nikmadihah: ok tapi cuak for tomorrow.
iffa: or the noteswont sleep while reading me
iffa:
nikmadihah: hahahahahahaha. lawakla tu. taknak chatting ngan iffa yg buzy. cu soon
iffa: all the bestok
iffa: kene study pon
nikmadihah: ok beb. u too
iffa: doakan kame
iffa: kami
nikmadihah: ok insyAllah
nikmadihah: wslm

Please pray that me in exams is totally the opposite (it's practical exams tomorrow, and clumsiness won't help at all!)
=)

END OF THIRD YEAR

Yes, it is almost towards the end of the third year. Hopefully it will really be the end of third year, going into the fourth year a.k.a. the 'holiday' year for medics in Newcastle.

Stressing out for the exams is basically the background thought of my mind right now, although I have to say I have not put much effort yet so far, despite the library being more like a home now. Well I do try the best I could afford now, there are just too many things I need to study that I do not know where to start, and how to be organised with it. Anyway, please pray for us, the third years...

03 July 07 CIDR assessment

05 July 07 GP assessment

13 July 07 OSCE

19 July 07 Paper 1

20 July 07 Paper 2

All the best to those who are having exams or writing up reports too! Or for those with problems in life that need sorting out, may Allah guide us all in the right path.

DECISION

I had never realised a career that I have chosen would involve mainly decision making, until a few months ago. I always find making decision a hard thing to do. Not that I think about consequences all the time before I react to something, but most of the time, I do. And I never like to be one who decides. It probably just emphasises on how coward I am, afraid to take the responsibility to whatever decision I make.

Decision making is more like an adut thingy. Considering myself as still a child (haha sangke), I do not mind to not much being involved in the process itself. Even so, I do make decisions everday, do I? I decide when to set the alarm on the phone, yet next morning, I decide when actually do I want to wake up. I decide whether I want to have simple breakfast or a heavy one or none at all. I decide where am I going to sit in the metro going to the hospital. I decide whether or not to complete the sudoku on the way, or should I read something for the seminar. I decide where am I going to sit in the seminar. I decide whether I should spend money on the lovely scone in the cafe for 10 minutes break. Well, that is to name few of it. But most of these are decisions done unconsciously. I suppose when it comes to emotion and rationale, it is very very different. (come on, grow up Ifaa!)

But, it is not a bad thing at all is it? When you find something is hard enough for you, that you would need someone to help and support you, that is what makes you closer to Allah. Because He will always be there for us. And remember that Allah knows best.

(although still, I do not understand how can one be so sure about decisions s/he is making? if I do not believe that everything happens for a reason coz Allah knows best, then I do not know where would I have been now)

Thank you Allah for this beauty of surrendering myself to You.

THE MENTAL TALK

There were times when I felt like I totally knew what I am doing, but at some other times, I just had no clue of why I do things. Here, I am writing particularly about medicine. About choosing medicine and a career as a healthcare professional in the future. Not bluffing - most of the time, I really want to become a doctor, and I can see me becoming one in the future. Chatting kindly with patients and not forgetting to smile as a means of treating them psychologically before medically. But on the other hand, it did sometimes feel so strange as if medicine is not the right pathway for me at all - honestly, there were a number of times when I felt like quitting medicine.

As for now, I am very glad to share that today is one of the days when I like being here, doing what I am doing. I truthfully enjoyed the case presentation session this afternoon. Amazing how your teachers and colleagues could actually change your perception and thought over something. Cheers guys (haha,like u guys are ever gonna read this?). Each day just went so fast, and today I have already finished my first week - out of four - of mental health (psychiatry) rotation.

Then, I will start my final rotation - that being CIDR (chronic illness disease rotation) for eight weeks, then bam! Big exam is coming up. Well, not as enormous as the judgement day, but your efforts still count for that, aye?

At this moment, I know I should have fully AWARE of the very limited time I have to spend on studying, and that last minute study is no more a smart way of passing a third year med student exam... but although the word exams has always been the mainstay of our daily conversation for this week, I have no clues of why am I still not paranoid with it. I suppose I study better under the pressure and I need to be a bit worry about it. Actually come to think of it, I do feel nervous, with a grandious jitteriness in fact. Especially when I was going through some random MCQ questions and found out that I cannot answer things I could have possibly been able to answer even in my first year. I remember when I was in infectious disease rotation, I turned totally blank when I was being asked "what do the B cells produce?". Seriously, where was I in the past two years?

Sometimes, everything is there in your head. You know you have the answers, but you just need more time to organise them. Or maybe you cannot put them together at all until someone tells you the answer, then you go "aahh, I knew it was that!". Worst, you know you have read or heard a medical term which appears in the answer lists before, but you just cannot recall what it is about. And even worst, you know that you are expected to know about something, but you just don't.

Ya Allah Ya Rabbal 'Alamin, I need strength for this.

ONE SATURDAY NIGHT

Adik almost cried when not all the housemates wanted to play her game. Children, they are so imaginative, and this one has always created "her game", having her own rules of playing it.

That night, she needed all six of us to join. So when she started crying in my room, finally everybody agreed to play. We all went outside into the living room and sat in a circle. Apparently, her game that night resembled "kotak beracun". Well, almost the same, except with no aim or ridiculous dares like I had always played it before. We just had to pass her 2-3 weeks old-very-cute-teddy-bear (which she got from a car boot sales) around the circle, and wait until the music stops. Whoever holds the teddy will have to go and play the music and stop it for the next round.

I love you Adik!!

For the first few rounds, we were so blank. There was no aim at all. If we get the teddy there would be no "punishment", I suppose going to press the cd player button is not a horrible thing to go through. Ok. So one of us adjusted the game to make it more interesting. Bits by bits, it ultimately ended up as 'truth or dare' game, if you have ever heard of it. But the rule was a bit distorted - one had to answer the question first, only if you choose not to answer, then you would be dared.

And going back earlier that day, Kak Rabitah bought a litre of goat's milk today, just to taste it, since it is one of sunnah left by Rasulullah s.a.w. Everybody tried it, except me. I was turned off by the scream Amira made when she gave it a taste. I did not even like lamb. How on earth would I like the milk if it tastes worse than lamb or sheep? Amazingly, adik is the hero. She likes it so much, that we still have it in our fridge now, coz adik wants more! She is the only one in this house who alhamdulillah, able to drink the milk.

I wish I could too. Do not say I did not try. That night, when I refused to share my "personal" secret, I was dared to drink a full cup of goat's milk, without pinching my nose. And trust me it was no easy task to do. It was not the taste, but the smell. Devastating. It is one of the sunnah, so I assume is good for the health too, but I just can't help myself. Luckily, it is not an obligatory one.

A few morals from the story. Firstly, the game was so bored when we first played it. No aim. Everybody was just looking at each other with a what-are-we-doing-passing-this-teddy-around look. And nobody minded to hold the teddy when the music stopped. But when the rules changed, with aim not to get the teddy coz if not you would have to tell the secret or get a dare, everybody was passing the teddy very quickly. Trying the best not to hold it when the music stopped. And screamed horribly when it happened. Same goes to our lives. If we do not have aim in this life, it is boring. There would be no purpose of life.

I once asked an SHO who is an atheist, "so what's your purpose of life?". He said "I'm afraid I will loose (to me, coz we were arguing loads before) about this one. To be honest, my purpose of life before I got married was bullshit. But now that I am married, it's my wife and my two kids."

Secondly, I was so reluctant to drink the milk before. But when I have to drink it due to the "rules", I managed to finish a full cup of it. A full cup mind you, not a sip. It is not fair for me or for other players to not do the dare as we already agreed to the rule.

A believer believes that Allah's rule is one to obey. It is not fair for Allah that we claim we are muslims but we never play by His rules. It is not fair that we agreed to be born into this world and live on the earth He created with all the ni'mat, yet we do not play our lives by His rules.

And just see how important are the governers who have the power, who can use their "hands" to rule something. A hadith says (approximately):

"If you come across a wrong deed, change it with your hand. And if you cannot change it with your hand, speak against it with your tounge. And if you cannot speak against it with your tounge, hate it in your heart."

When there are rules, people have to follow it, whether they like it or not. And first rules to obey are ones from our Creator. I needed to drink the goat's milk no matter I like it or not. Because it was the rule. Congratulations to me!

(should have niat minum sebab sunnah rasulullah...dapat jugak pahala huhuhu)

FROM BEIRUT TO JERUSALEM

I have heard about the book "from Beirut to Jerusalem" vaguely before, but I was so ignorance to find it and give it a read. Good thing when I went to IMAM programme called Extreme Medicine last weekend, the writer herself, Dr Ang came up as one of the speakers, talking about the manmade disaster, the war. She talked about her experience, how she was brought up to support Israel and to hate the Arabs, the so called "terrorists". But her experience has changed it all.

Click here for the audio, pictures, and written experience. Trust me, you have to listen to this one!

One of the very touching picture, as described by Dr Ang:


---And suddenly a whole lot of children - Palestinian children from every where began to crowd around me, and the little girl said "Doctor can you take a picture of us?" I said "of course I will". "You must take a picture of us now because there is the Shatila camp - tomorrow maybe the camp will be destroyed and there will be no more Shatila, but al least today we are here and you can take a picture and show your friends all over the world this refugee camp and show them we are the children of Shatila". And as I began to focus the camera they decided to put their hands up and make a victory sign and said "and we are not afraid". This picture was taken in October 1982, since then I have been back to Lebanon many times, and each time I go back I carry a copy of these pictures hoping I can find them - of course I never found any of these children. But now looking back I realise they didn't ask me bring the pictures back to them - they said take the pictures and show it to the whole world, to show the whole world how the Palestinian children of Shatila camp were not afraid. So I am showing it to you now." ---(by Dr Ang)

Even up to now she is so active, trying to make sure that people will soon realise who are the terrorists, and who are the victims. May Allah grant her hidayah... and may we learn something from her spirit and enthusiasm.

T.O.P.

I am now doing my obs and gynae rotation, and I am so called to reflect upon my session today and share the thought with all of you. I was timetabled to sit in a family planning clinic this afternoon. I thought it was gonna be a light unstressful session discussing and learning about the variety of contraceptive methods available at the moment. I thought I would not learn much except the same facts written in the text books. But my assumption was completely wrong. I think today is the day when I made lot of reflections. The day when I learned that there are so much things to worry about in this life. The day when I could have burst into tears if I did not control myself. The day when the future looks so foggy even though I am beginning to see the interesting and challenging bits of doing obs and gynae later on.

I assume it is alright to write in general about my experience today, without breaching any confidentiality. So I sat in the clinic and I met a few people there. And I never thought there would be so many cases of termination of pregnancy (TOP). Yes, English law allows TOP before 24 wks(?) but culturally before 17 weeks (?). (Well I might not be the right person to comment about this medics stuff – just in my third year – do not want to look that stupid or even worse, to give wrong information or anything.) But anyway, being here and being just a medical student, I have to respect the patients' right to choose their way of life. There are just too many ethical reasons to consider about. I am totally against it of course, only Allah knows what was in my mind at that time.

Back to the case. So I sat in the clinic and one of the patients that came in for TOP was only as young as 15 years old.She is so young and even afraid of having a venepuncture (amik darah) done on her arm. I presume she had no idea what to expect for committing a TOP. It is not her story that I wanted to comment here, coz I have no right to talk about her. But I suppose I have the right to comment about my relatives who have the same religion as mine ie. the muslims – and to be more precise, Malaysian muslims coz its more relevant to us. Coz I care about my society. I care about my religion. And these are important factors in directing my future life and the future of Islam and I care about these.

What stricken me the most was when I imagined her being my sister. When she said she was born in 1991, my first gut reaction was “that is so my sister’s age” – nauzubillah, may Allah prevent this disaster from anybody that I know of – well, at that moment I could not help thinking about the situation in Malaysia where the contraindicated values of the West is becoming a culture. Incorrect way of entertainment is the main component of life nowadays. Normal homo sapiens named as “artists” are being worshipped more than ever. Muslims going to night clubs are becoming more common. In fact I heard some comments saying that it is peculiar to not have gone there among some groups of Malaysian muslim youths and teenagers, mind you. Same goes to virginity. Some can be so proud to tell that they have actually lost their virginities. Surprise surprise, some can even be so ashamed to not have done it by certain age – which is so ridiculous. And if you want to hear something more ridiculous, some even "sell" themselves to achieve wealth in this impermanent, temporary life. And when unwanted pregnancy occurs, this would most of the time results in abortion or infanticide or child abuse which adds up to the sinful acts prior to this. I cannot imagine the battle I would be in to make sure my future children (kalau panjang umur) are safe from all these new culture which is totally against Islam.

I chatted with a friend who befriends a few of these “social” or “huha huha” people once. She claimed that most of them are influenced by peers. Family problems, lack of attention and religious education are mainly the basic reasons to why they tend to be easily influenced by friends. They have no parents to go to, so friends are the only options. That is why relationship within familymembers is an asset for taking down these social problems. I haven’t got any experience myself to mingle closely with these people, so I would not blame anyone. Blame. Human beings always tend to blame other people when bad, unwanted things happen to them.

Anyway. My point is that I would like to remind myself and all, that we all have a purpose in our life. We have our religion as our way of life. Please do not let other culture takes over ours. Never underestimate the effect of discussing religious issues and educating ourselves and the children even at early age coz to know more about our religion and practising it fully are the only things that will make sure that we are on the right path.

Hidup tanpa ilmu umpama orang yg mati.
Ilmu tanpa amal umpama orang yg tidur.
Amal tanpa keikhlasan adalah sia2.

[masa belajar ni je la kalau nak ada masa buat benda2 extra, dah keje nanti apelah nasib....]

~~~~just a piece of thought~~~~
~~~~~betulkan jika salah~~~~~