There were times when I felt like I totally knew what I am doing, but at some other times, I just had no clue of why I do things. Here, I am writing particularly about medicine. About choosing medicine and a career as a healthcare professional in the future. Not bluffing - most of the time, I really want to become a doctor, and I can see me becoming one in the future. Chatting kindly with patients and not forgetting to smile as a means of treating them psychologically before medically. But on the other hand, it did sometimes feel so strange as if medicine is not the right pathway for me at all - honestly, there were a number of times when I felt like quitting medicine.
As for now, I am very glad to share that today is one of the days when I like being here, doing what I am doing. I truthfully enjoyed the case presentation session this afternoon. Amazing how your teachers and colleagues could actually change your perception and thought over something. Cheers guys (haha,like u guys are ever gonna read this?). Each day just went so fast, and today I have already finished my first week - out of four - of mental health (psychiatry) rotation.
Then, I will start my final rotation - that being CIDR (chronic illness disease rotation) for eight weeks, then bam! Big exam is coming up. Well, not as enormous as the judgement day, but your efforts still count for that, aye?
At this moment, I know I should have fully AWARE of the very limited time I have to spend on studying, and that last minute study is no more a smart way of passing a third year med student exam... but although the word exams has always been the mainstay of our daily conversation for this week, I have no clues of why am I still not paranoid with it. I suppose I study better under the pressure and I need to be a bit worry about it. Actually come to think of it, I do feel nervous, with a grandious jitteriness in fact. Especially when I was going through some random MCQ questions and found out that I cannot answer things I could have possibly been able to answer even in my first year. I remember when I was in infectious disease rotation, I turned totally blank when I was being asked "what do the B cells produce?". Seriously, where was I in the past two years?
Sometimes, everything is there in your head. You know you have the answers, but you just need more time to organise them. Or maybe you cannot put them together at all until someone tells you the answer, then you go "aahh, I knew it was that!". Worst, you know you have read or heard a medical term which appears in the answer lists before, but you just cannot recall what it is about. And even worst, you know that you are expected to know about something, but you just don't.
Ya Allah Ya Rabbal 'Alamin, I need strength for this.
As for now, I am very glad to share that today is one of the days when I like being here, doing what I am doing. I truthfully enjoyed the case presentation session this afternoon. Amazing how your teachers and colleagues could actually change your perception and thought over something. Cheers guys (haha,like u guys are ever gonna read this?). Each day just went so fast, and today I have already finished my first week - out of four - of mental health (psychiatry) rotation.
Then, I will start my final rotation - that being CIDR (chronic illness disease rotation) for eight weeks, then bam! Big exam is coming up. Well, not as enormous as the judgement day, but your efforts still count for that, aye?
At this moment, I know I should have fully AWARE of the very limited time I have to spend on studying, and that last minute study is no more a smart way of passing a third year med student exam... but although the word exams has always been the mainstay of our daily conversation for this week, I have no clues of why am I still not paranoid with it. I suppose I study better under the pressure and I need to be a bit worry about it. Actually come to think of it, I do feel nervous, with a grandious jitteriness in fact. Especially when I was going through some random MCQ questions and found out that I cannot answer things I could have possibly been able to answer even in my first year. I remember when I was in infectious disease rotation, I turned totally blank when I was being asked "what do the B cells produce?". Seriously, where was I in the past two years?
Sometimes, everything is there in your head. You know you have the answers, but you just need more time to organise them. Or maybe you cannot put them together at all until someone tells you the answer, then you go "aahh, I knew it was that!". Worst, you know you have read or heard a medical term which appears in the answer lists before, but you just cannot recall what it is about. And even worst, you know that you are expected to know about something, but you just don't.
Ya Allah Ya Rabbal 'Alamin, I need strength for this.
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